wagwaan?

The true meaning of Christmas

I came across this video today, and I love it. It's filmed in "stop motion" and must have taken for EVER to make. It's by a band that I listen to often (the David Crowder Band) who are an indie Christian group - please don't be offended if you aren't a believer, I'm not trying to push my beliefs on anyone, but I have put the lyrics below and I hope they'll touch you as they touch me.  And anyone, believer or not, can appreciate the work that went into making this video. 

 

Lyrics:

(Verse 1)
Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper
Fill me with life
'Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
'Cause I am fading

Surround me with the rush of angels' wings

(Chorus 1)
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?

(Verse 2)
You sent a sign
A hint, a whisper
Human, divine
Everyone is listening
Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring
All around the rush of angels

(Bridge)
O the wonder of the greatest love has come

(Chorus 2)
Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

-------------------------------------------------

Actually, I listen to quite a lot of "Christian pop" or "Christian rock" - people like Jonny Diaz (who's gorgeous by the way), Josh Wilson, Addison Road... There's plenty of talent out there. And you know what? Claire and I think that the Take That single "The Greatest Day" sounds very much like a Christian pop song, so you wouldn't even know half of them are Christian if I didn't tell you....

Well, that's enough from me today. I am going to have a relatively early night, so that I'm up for a Starbucks with my sweet SIL and niece tomorrow. Oh and Claire of course!  They arrived yesterday and we met up at the shopping centre, and then had a delicious Indian takeaway for dinner. It's just a shame it's such a flying visit. (Love you guys!). So, sleep tight everyone. Back for more #Reverb10 tomorrow.

#Reverb10 - Day 11: 11 things

Author: Sam Davidson
50 Things Your Life Doesn't Need
@samdavidson

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? 

Right, let's have a think about this: I'm not a materialistic person (although I may be guilty of coveting pretty things), and I'm on such a strict budget I hardly ever treat myself to anything. So I really don't think I'll be cutting back any more than I already have. However, there are some habits I'm trying to lose so let's see:

1 - STRESS!  I definitely don't need that in my life. It was probably the cause for my bleed, so no more, thank you. I've been told to do relaxation every day by the OT, and that's something I need to make time for. I also might sign up to the Yoga class over the road on a Monday night....

2 - DIET COKE:  My  name is Jen and I'm a Diet Coke addict.   I used to kid myself that it stopped me eating sweets by satisfying my sweet tooth, but actually I think it was quite the opposite. I've not had a drop for about 2 or 3 weeks and I have stopped craving it now, so I hope I never have any again.  And that can't be a bad thing for the enamel on my teeth, either!

3 - SWEETS & CHOCOLATE:  Again, I've always been a bit of a sugar fiend (not that you could tell to look at me, right? I mean, I'm so svelte. On the inside) and I'm really trying to give this up too. I really think there's a direct link between the amount of Diet Coke I'd buy and the amount of sweet things, so I'm already feeling the benefits of giving up the fizz.  

4 - EXCESS WEIGHT: That's definitely something I want to eliminate. I did so well a couple of years ago on the Slimming World programme, then I hit a plateau and then this year things kind of went belly up. I hate having put the weight back on. I swore never again. Well, 2011 will be the year I do it for good. Watch this space.

5 - PERFECTIONISM: I blogged about this on Day 5, but it fits here too. I'm not going to stop trying my best, but I AM going to stop beating myself up about stuff I can't do. My life will be perfectly imperfect henceforth.

6 - PAPER: I can't stand all the paper that comes through our door. Bills and stuff. Argh! I make as many payments as possible online and I have electronic bank statements and Virgin Media bills, but everyone else seems intent on devastating the rainforest.  I am wary of identity theft so I don't recycle a lot of the crap but burn it in the incinerator in the garden instead. I really MUST get on top of the piles of paper that are stuffed in my cupboard. Surely I don't need to keep 5 years worth of phone bills?  OK, that's it, I will set aside some time to do this before I start working again.

7 - CLUTTER: A bit like 6 above. I'm a closet OCD, no seriously, I am!  I hate when everything is a mess, but somehow, because the house isn't how I'd like it, and because of the lack of storage, it always looks messy. Well, that's another thing that has to change and I've started working on it but I need to focus a bit more on it. I'm not aiming for show-house chic, but the satisfying feeling you get when everything is in its place. 

How awful, I can only come up with seven things I want to eliminate. I must sleep on it and come back later I think...

Is any of this #Reverb10 stuff giving you something to think about? Please post in the comments - I know there are plenty of lurkers out there (I read the stats!). Will you come out of lurkdom and talk to me? 

#Reverb10 - Day 9: Party

 

Author: Shauna Reid
The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl
@shauna

 

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

 I'm SO not a party girl, but this year was my big 5-0 so I decided that I would get the girls together for a birthday bash.  Bad timing on my part: on 10th February, three days before said birthday and bash, I collapsed with a bleed on the brain, called Subarachnoid Haemorrhage, and was rushed to hospital where I was told I needed life-saving surgery to clip an aneurysm on an artery in my right temporo-frontal lobe. I woke up from my 5-hour surgery on the day before my birthday, and my partner said that the surgeon had given me "the best birthday present ever". Well, she'd saved my life, so that probably does qualify as the best present ever!

My memories of my actual birthday are rather hazy, but I do remember my lovely family turning up, singing happy birthday to me on the ward, and bearing chocolate cake. Someone was carrying a big birthday poster and when it was lowered I realised my sister Steph had come all the way from Paris, especially to be with me that day. I cannot express how wonderful that felt, and I don't know that I've ever really told her how special it was (there you go, sis, you know now!). I remember eating some cake, but really only because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I could hardly open my mouth because my jaw muscles had been "dissected" (I think that's the term) for the surgery, and I felt really nauseous too.   

It was the best and yet the worst birthday I have ever had, I suppose, but mainly I consider it the best because it meant I had a second chance at life, and I was determined to make the most of everything from then on.

My sis even snapped a picture of me with my birthday badge on, so I thought I'd post it here. It's not too gruesome - the bandage hides everything.  My face doesn't actually look too bad; by the next day my right eye was swollen shut and my face was black and blue.  

Not very glamourous, eh?  I also look like I've only got one boob, which is rather disturbing. Grin. 

So there you have it: my big 5-0 celebration. One that I'm sure everyone around me will remember for years to come. My girlfriends were all "the lengths some people will go to to avoid a party!"....

Tomorrow is my ten-month anniversary, and in two months' time I intend to have the bash that was cancelled. I also intend to call it my big 5-0 again, so I shall forever more be one year younger than my chronological age.  I think I'm entitled, don't you?!

A Christmas meme

I am shamelessly copying this from Mizz Boushay's blog. So here goes:

A Christmas Meme

1. Hot Chocolate or apple cider?
Hot chocolate. If I'm feeling naughty, then it's a Starbucks one with whipped cream and sprinkles....

2. Turkey or Ham?
Turkey of course. Is there any other way?

3. Do you get a fake or real-you-cut-it-yourself Christmas tree?
Well, much as I'd prefer a real tree (not cut-it-yourself as I don't know anywhere that does those), we go for a fake one these days. Insert sad face here. 

4. Decorations on the outside of your house?
Just a wreath on the door. Classy and understated. Ahem. 

5. Snowball fights or sleddin'?
Sledding please.

7. Do you enjoy going downtown shopping?
Gosh, you mean in London? Nope!  Too crowded. I shop online or in the local shopping centre.

8. Favorite Christmas song?
Winter Wonderland. Always takes me back to my childhood. As for carols, I love God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Masters In This Hall, and The Sussex Carol.  

10. How do you feel about Christmas movies?
Love 'em.

11. When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?
As soon as it's time to put the Advent wreath on the table!

12. Stockings before or after presents?
First thing in the morning BEFORE presents. I mean, doesn't everyone?!

13. Carolers, do you or do you not watch and listen to them?
Love Carolers but we don't get many of them round our way.

14. Go to someone else's house or they come to you?
As it's been just me and Claire for years, we've always gone to others as they tend to have bigger houses/more china and glasses... and they all seem to be grown-ups whereas I still feel like a student when it comes to entertaining! This is the second year where it'll be just the two of us, with maybe the OH if he's not going to his mum's.

15. Do you read the Christmas Story? If so when?
I dip into my bible regularly, and Christmas is no exception, but no specific time.

16. What do you do after presents and dinner?
If we're with the family then lots of chatting and laughter, maybe a film on TV, or playing with the kids' new stuff.

17. What is your favorite holiday smell?
Tangerines (clementines/satsumas/whatever they are called) used to really mean Christmas to me. It's up there with the smell of a REAL tree.

18. Ice skating or walking around the mall?
OOh I love ice skating. Even after I damaged my cruciate ligaments skating when I was 18!

19. Do you open a present or presents on Christmas Eve, or wait until Christmas day?
Always on Christmas Day.

20. Favorite Christmas memory?
The Christmas we rented a gîte in Normandy with a disabled suite, so that mummy could have a few days out of hospital whilst recovering from her stroke. That was a wonderful and special Christmas!

21. Favorite Part about winter?
I love everything about it - warm clothes, scarves, boots, going for walks on crisp, sunny days, snuggling up by the fire, hot chocolate, being with family, giving presents.....

22. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Yes, my mum always put mistletoe up. I never do though.

If you do this meme, will you come and tell me in the comments section, so I can go and check it out?

Officially discharged from rehab

This morning I had my final meeting with the OT for Fatigue Management. She was going to do a relaxation session with me, but on discussing it she felt that as I have been doing this for years I could continue as I am. She is happy for me to start some form of part-time work (if the hospital have any to offer me, which is another story...) as long as I continue to take regular breaks. It doesn't even have to be obvious to anyone else as it's only a minute or two for every half hour/hour of work. I can just sit and close my eyes and relax, or go to the loo where I can sit in quiet without anyone interrupting. I'll see how well that goes when I finally get back into the frantic pace of an office. And I am not yet to commit myself to regular hours or anything, because we won't know until I start just how much I can do.  

I did say that it was as if someone had flicked a switch exactly 9 months post-surgery, and as it coincided with my first Fatigue Management session it was rather too much of a coincidence. She thinks that maybe finally coming to terms with my limitations has had a positive effect.  Whatever the reasons, I'm pretty happy with the way things are going.  I know when I'm overdoing it, and I know to sit and rest frequently. If anyone reading this is struggling with post-stroke fatigue, I hope it's reassuring to them to hear that it DOES get better!

After my session I popped home for a quick rest and lunch, and then it was time to make my way to my dentist's. Here in the UK dentists are like gold dust and once you have one, you don't let him go!  That is why mine is in the town where we first lived when we moved back to the UK, a 15 minute bus ride away.  I'm having another crown put on a lower back molar and even though I've had root canal on it, it was too sensitive to mess with without anaesthetic.  This was the first stage, and it went smoothly; I'm due to go back on 17th for the final fitting of the crown.  

After my appointment I thought I'd check out the charity shops next door. I was pleased to find a couple of books that I'd been meaning to read, and then I decided treat myself to a coffee at the place opposite. I texted my friend, who lives in the same town, to see if she could join me, but she had left her phone at home so she didn't call till this evening! Shame :( 

This evening my sweet hairdresser came by to give me a much-needed, and CHEAP, cut and blow dry. I love how she does it - quite short and blow dried straight, then messed up a bit with some sculpting "mud".  I hate how it is naturally frizzy and curly, but when I can't afford to have it cut then I revert to type, with just a bit of styling gel to define the curls.... although I feel it makes me look middle aged (cue retort from Claire: "I hate to break it to you mother, but you ARE middle aged". Oy vey).  

I was hoping to get some photos done today because when I went to rehab (north of here) the whole countryside was shrouded in white, with a very strong frost on each and every tree/bush/blade of grass. An hour later, on the bus to the dentist's (south), there wasn't a spot of frost to be seen. Such a shame, as I reckon I'd have got some wicked photos.

Anyway, that's enough from me today. Tomorrow is another day, and I might even catch up with my #Reverb10!

#Reverb10 - Day 6: Make

 

Author: Gretchen Rubin
The Happiness Project
@gretchenrubin

Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Hmm, I think the last thing I made was the Advent Crown that we do every year on the first Sunday of Advent. It's kind of all set up to go and just needs fresh candles every year so it doesn't really count as a creative endeavour. 

Otherwise I have been making stuff with the kids at the Arts & Crafts class every Tuesday, and last week we finished making a huge mural for the Community Centre. All the kids had a kind of large kite-shaped piece of card to decorate. The colours were planned by the organisers and we had big sacks of materials in all the different colours. The idea was to get the kids to dig down into the sacks to pull out different materials that they could use, the wackier the better. This class is organised by the Recycling Arts Project so the sacks contain things like plastic ties, tissue paper, fabrics, foam alphabet letters, plastic bottle tops, plastic flowers, metallic paper... you get the picture!  I was helping 5-year old Ciaran, and he really enjoyed using the stapler when the glue wasn't strong enough :)    At the end of the session the card shapes were all stapled to the wall and they looked great. Here's a picture that I took just before the last pieces were put up. 

Very satisfying indeed and I think even the kids were impressed! This class is going to be replaced by a Street Dance class in January, so I'll have to sort out my crafty stash and set some time aside for crafting in the New Year. I'll keep you posted. 

Right, must dash now, as I have to go to get my flu jab later. Back tomorrow!

 

#Reverb10 - Day 5: Let Go

 

Author: Alice Bradley
Let's Panic About Babies
@finslippy

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

 

I think this year I may have finally let go of the need to be perfect. I've discovered that it's ok to not get things right; it's ok to not finish everything you had planned; it's ok to say "no" when you are tired and can't do everything and that doesn't mean you're letting anyone down. And that's why I'm ok with posting this a day late because I didn't even turn on the PC yesterday. 

This doesn't mean that I don't have goals and plans. I still have stuff I want to do, but I'm cutting myself some slack. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff.  What about you?

#Reverb10 - Day 4 : Wonder

December 4 Prompt

Author: Jeff Davis

The Journey from the Center to the Page
@JeffreyDavis108

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

As you can see, #Reverb is all about reflecting on the year that's gone by, and there couldn't be a more significant year to reflect on in my case.  I think cultivating my sense of wonder was quite easy this year. Every day when I wake up I am thankful to still be alive, and as such I see the beauty in the mundane, the ordinary. I have always loved birdsong, but this year I love it a little bit more. I love the colours of nature, the sky, the Autumn leaves, the vivid green of the grass. All these little things that are so easy to take for granted in our hurly burly lives. I just make sure I stop and smell the coffee as it were. 

Awww that song always takes me right back to my childhood. It was one of my favourites then, and I think it always will be (sorry that video stops rather suddenly - it was the best one I could find).

Right, I'm enjoying this reflecting lark; it gives me something to write about.  I'll be off now though, because I'm going to Quiz Night at my old church, and I've got stuff to do first.  I hope you are all snug and warm where you are.  Later peeps. 

 

#Reverb 10 - Day 3: Moment

Oops I seem to have lost a day somewhere.  I started a day late and never got a prompt for yesterday, so I'll quickly bash something out for Day 3. The prompt is by Ali Edwards:

Author: Ali Edwards

Memory Keeping Idea Books
@aliedwards

Prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I have to laugh because these prompts are all pointing in the same direction. I can very vividly remember the exact moment that I felt the most alive this year: that would be coming round after my life-saving operation (see previous post here).  Well, actually I can't remember all that much about coming round in HDU, but I do remember feeling like the luckiest person on the planet. Plus, it was the day before my birthday.... HDU is a very noisy place - machines beeping all over the place, hustle and bustle, nurses rushing to and fro. I remember trying to sit up but promptly being told I had to lie down at 30 degrees so the pressure in my head didn't go up, and I remember feeling uncomfortable because of the catheter going into my bladder, and the central line in my groin. Oh, not forgetting the drain stitched into my scalp behind my right ear, draining blood and stuff from my brain. I remember feeling sick and having a pounding headache, but throughout it all, I remember feeling exactly that - ALIVE. 

This #Reverb10 exercise has started off all deep and philosophical, hasn't it?!  Hopefully there will be other, lighter moments during December, with prompts that don't make me think back to February!

 

#Reverb 10 - one word

I don't know about you, but sometimes coming up with something to blog about is quite a struggle. Especially as I don't get out and about much these days. In fact, I've often thought "what's the point?" and thought about closing wa'gwaan, but I know I'd miss it too much. Anyway, I was reading Ali E's blog and she mentioned Reverb 10, so I thought I'd give it a go. You'll just have to imagine that this post is actually dated 1st December because I'm a day behind...

The prompt today is 

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

I don't really have to think too hard about what 2010 has meant for me, but now I'm sitting here thinking of one word that will capture the whole thing. Hmmmm. 

My word has to be REBIRTH.  For any new readers here, you can see at the top of the home page a quick post that explains what happened to me back in February. 3 days before my 50th birthday. First of all, I have to say I don't feel 50 AT ALL. Well, except when my joints creak that is.  In my head I'm still about 30. In fact, a lot of the girls I am friends with are around that age; many are having babies, and I just feel the same age as them, when in fact I suppose I could be their mother. Gulp. Yes, indeed, my little "baby" turned 20 in the summer.  It's funny though, because I remember having this conversation with my own mother years ago, and she said that in her head she still felt about 28, which I took to be a great compliment because she was 28 when she had me and that obviously meant that it was the happiest time in her life. Ahem. And so we come full circle because I was 30 when I had Claire. 

But I digress (that's got to be a first, right?!) - when I was looking at the thesaurus to choose my word, I started with awakening and that led to renaissance, recovery, revival, rejuvenation, resurrection... I'd say any one of those words would fit, but REBIRTH it is.  

Living through a life-changing event really focuses the mind. I can't say "my life flashed before my eyes" like in the movies, but I was calm and ready to die the night before my operation. I prayed a lot, fervently, thinking about the meaning of each prayer, and I felt totally at peace with the world.  The neurosurgeon takes you through what she is going to do, and explains that you could have another stroke on the operating table, or that you could indeed die. And then you sign your consent.  At no point did I waver, or worry that I wouldn't come through it. I have been asked by many if I wondered "why me?" but I really never did. Things happen. Why shouldn't they happen to me too?  

After the operation I was just happy to have come through it ok, despite the pain, the nausea and the fact that the light hurt my eyes.  Very quickly I was just thankful that I had no limb weakness, that I wasn't in a coma, and that I knew I was going to be ok.  I totally underestimated how long it would take me to get over it, but I knew it was all going to be alright in the end.  

I feel totally REBORN and this is why I strive to get better every day, so that I can live my best life from now on. With the best will in the world, life tends to get in the way, the bills have to be paid, and you end up doing something you don't particularly like just to stay afloat. I have so many plans and goals that I want to reach and my aneurysm was my wakeup call to stop existing and start LIVING. 

Which leads me to the word I hope will capture 2011 - and that is FULFILMENT. I nearly chose the word success, but it's not success of a material kind that interests me. It's more about what I can do to help other people, those less fortunate than myself, or young people who could do with a mentor so that they choose the right path. And I want to make people smile when they see the photos I've taken of their children, or smile because they've been shown a little kindness and it's made their day. Those are the kinds of things I want to focus on. 

Hopefully, I'll look back in a year's time and think, yes, I am fulfilled. I am living my best life. There was a reason that I made it through this difficult year. Will you join me?