wagwaan?

Wednesday

Still not good news. I got here yesterday afternoon and went straight to the hospital. Mummy was awake and aware, but it was a shock to see her so unwell, so I do admit to having shed a few tears, which I did not want to do in front of her. She held my hand, fingered my blouse as if to say she'd never seen it before, and was generally trying to communicate a lot. We left her after dinner, so she could sleep. Today however was a different story. Melanie and I got there at lunchtime to find her very unwell. She seemed hot and she was having a lot of trouble breathing. We were both pretty upset, but I was stronger today, and didn't cry so easily. The doctors think she has an infection of some sort, even though the chest x-ray was clear. She was taken down for an uptake scan, so we went back to Bernieres for a while. When we came back she was still very agitated and had taken her oxygen off again. Her sats were down so they insisted she keep it on but she was really fighting it, which was really distressing.She looked in so much pain. We got the Consultant called, and he spent a long time in with her. Basically, he said she needed to rest - they gave her a sedative - all the tests are negative, so she just needs to fight this one out. It is so awful feeling so helpless, but mostly seeing her in pain. I'm only journaling this so I can look back and remember, but I'm pretty sure I'll remember it for ever anyway!  Prayers are what she needs now, lots of them, while she meds do their work and she hopefully gets her strength back.

Scared

My mum isn't doing too well. Yesterday she vomited a bit and slept most of the day, even when the nurses were washing her, which had never happened before. The nurses alerted the doctor and they took her off for another scan, thinking she'd had a haemorrhage. Luckily, the scan was the same as before, but as she has a temperature they think she may have a chest infection, or an infection somewhere else. They are even beginning to think that may have caused the stroke. Today was not much better. She is very sleepy, unable to keep her eyes open for long. I have just wept buckets. It's hard to put into words how I feel. I know she would hate to be dependent on anyone, and maybe it's a good thing she is sleeping a lot, who knows.  I'm just praying for her.  I'm off very early tomorrow morning and can't wait to be at her bedside.

Bonne Fete Maman

It's the French mother's day today - my mum always gets two lots of cards: in March from me and Jerry, and in May from the rest of the family. Last night my sisters were preparing a surprise for mummy - I think it's a big collagey kind of card for her hospital room. Can't wait for Tuesday!!!

Mummy at Christmas 2005 - caught off guard!  I love her so much.

Saturday and more rain....

I think we had our British Summer recently - and that's it!  Strange thing is, there is a hosepipe ban on because the water reserves are low. It's a funny old world...

Mummy is still fighting. Her leg is better than her arm, but she can move it if she really concentrates. She is having speech therapy every day, but the doctors reckon she understands English better than French - although she greets the doctors and nurses with "bonjour" and says "oui" and "non" as well as the English versions. Apparently her face lit up today when Catherine, her cleaner, came to visit. She squeezed her hand tight. My sisters say that she needs lots of hugs and kisses, and she gives as many kisses as she can. When she drifts off to sleep, which is often, she doesn't let go of your hand either. My sister Carolyn has taken her camera in to take pics of mummy, which she will send me when she gets back home. I think it will help to prepare me for seeing her on Tuesday...  Apparently, she tries very hard to make herself understood, but my sisters likened her speech to the mumbles people make who talk in their sleep (they know what THAT sounds like, cos it's my trademark LOL).  When she gets it wrong, she shakes her head in frustration. It must be horrible for her.

On a lighter note,I went out in the pouring rain this morning to buy a new suitcase in a carry-on size, as I only have a huge case and I don't want to have to check it in when I fly - don't want to waste time hanging around by the baggage reclaim! I was lucky enough to find one in a sale for only a tenner! It's a gorgeous bright pink, and has an expander zip so when you come back from trips with more than you had when you got there, you have a spare 20% extra space LOL.   I've just chatted on MSN with my friend Anne's husband, Hassan (we had their son Stephane to stay last summer). Hassan works for Air France at Roissy, and he'll come by and meet me on Tuesday morning. Very sweet of him!

In the afternoon it was time for Claire to have her hair cut. It is a funny colour, what with her latest experiment trying to go blonde, and the hairdresser said it would take 2 or even 3 bleach baths to get rid of all that, and then they'd have to colour it as well!  It could cost 100 quid!  I don't think so, somehow....  Luckily, she doesn't mind the gingery look she has going on at the moment!   She took this picture, and I've been messing around in PS with "curves" to change the contrast - I still can't get it to look like Tara Whitney's pics though :(

Otherwise, this is a glimpse of what my house looks like at the moment - I really need to do the ironing!

My darling mummy

Well, now I can blog about it: on Monday, my darling, beautiful, special mother had a severe CVA (stroke). My brother didn't want my goddaughter to know, as she had her finals today and he was worried it would affect her, so he asked me not to talk about it here.

My mother is a widow and lives alone, but luckily it was the day her cleaner came, so she found her and got her taken to hospital. I was in total shock on Monday, obviously, and cried a lot to think of mummy scared, alone etc for several hours. My other brother, Nigel (who lost his job that day - great timing, eh?) was able to rush up to her bedside, and 3 of my sisters have been able to get up there since then. I was devastated at being so far away and not being able to hug her, but I am reassured by all their news on her progress, and I am going to fly out to France on Tuesday to be at her side.

I love my family: I was sitting here worrying that no one would be brushing her hair, moisturising her skin, spraying perfume... but of course, my mother raised us all the same and my sisters are pampering her!  She has photos, flowers from the garden, cotton hankies sprayed with her perfume, you name it!  The people who visit the lady in the next bed were heard whispering about how lovely it was that her side of the room was all personalised and maybe they should do that too!

She is paralysed down her right side and has no speech, but the best news of all is that she is trying so hard to communicate and is able to move her limbs, with huge effort. She is also feeding herself as much as possible. The nurses are so impressed with her and I know she is a fighter and such a strong woman, I am very hopeful for a good recovery.

I'll sign off now - don't know how much I'll be on over the next week, but I'll keep updating as and when.

(picture of me and mummy in the garden in Pinner, just before we moved to France, with our cats Misty and Tiddler)

Little update

There is something going on my life that I can't blog about just now - for reasons beyond my control. I'm off to France next week, not for a holiday... All will become clear when I'm allowed to blog about it soon, very soon!  Bear with me.

In the meantime, I've had some lovely RAKs and cards and I want to thank those people. You know who you are. The gifts and surprises are appreciated more than you can know!

Claire's dad is being a prat again. Unfortunately!  She was going to stay at his next week, what with it being half-term and me not wanting to leave her by herself. He agreed. She asked if she could bring a friend (after all, he himself suggested it last year). He had to discuss with wife. Decision was no. Claire is going to stay at her best friend's place instead. Her dad is pissed off. Nice! Luckily, she has finished her exams for this week and doesn't have any more till 5th June, by which time I'll be back. I am really trying to be the bigger person, to rise above his pettiness, to encourage Claire to bond with him - but to no avail. Every time we make headway he says something that brings it all crashing down again. And I have to build it up - till the next time. A real rollercoaster ride!   Poor Claire :(

Think positive :)

I got some gorgeous gifts from my sister Stephanie for Christmas; one of them is this Florentine notebook, the other a book of positive affirmations. I am copying some of them out into the notebook and just doodling or decorating the pages. It's fun and it makes me remember the affirmations better (good job, or that woman on Friday would have upset me!!)

Where do the weekends go?

So it's Sunday evening again, and I wonder what I've done with my time!  Friday I had the day off to go up to London to register with a couple of agencies. The first one was the posh woman who wanted people to call first, before sending their cv, so she could check them out I think.  I got on my interview outfit, and put on my make up, and off I went. Very posh office, but only 2 people there. The interview was going quite well, or so I thought, when suddenly she said I hadn't had a corporate interview for a long time (that's what she thinks) and she wanted to give me some interview tips. She said I was lovely and warm and chatty but........... Yes there was a big but. But I was "like a farmer". Now, while I went bright red and picked my jaw up off the floor she went on, but I wasn't really listening.  I was gutted. How rude!  My online friends think she meant I have a great complexion and I look like I can organise things LOL  I KNOW she didn't mean that.  We agreed that I would think about the positions on offer and off I went. Despondent. Towards Oxford Circus..... until I suddenly remembered I had another appoinmtent at ABL, an agency I quickly realised I knew from years before. Yes, it turns out they found me the DaimlerChrysler job and I was suddenly being passed from one interviewer to the next, business cards pressed into my hands, and lots of fantastic jobs being paraded in front of me. They know what I am worth and they were so pleased to see me. They offered me wine and crisps (Friday afternoon, they have a bit of a "do"), which I declined or I'd have been tipsy very quickly.  I couldn't believe how different they were to the previous place. They were all very keen to tell me about jobs they have on offer, telling me that they weren't precious about candidates: whoever has a job can put you forward, none of that "but she's my candidate" here. Sounds great. Don't know why I didn't think of them before!   So, watch this space. I hope to find something very soon. I have to! 

(If I hadn't had the second appointment, I'd have gone home and put my head in the oven!!!)

Saturday I was exhausted, but had to get up early to be at the hospital at 8.30. Once again I was a "History case" for the St George's students' finals. We get coffee, tea, pastries, orange juice, free papers, and at the end we get sandwiches and crisps etc. 50 quid for 2 1/2 hours work. Not a bad gig!

I did nothing all afternoon, and in the evening we had a ball skipping from the Prince's Trust programme to Young Musician of the Year to The Eurovision Song Contest on TV. By 9pm, though, I couldn't keep my eyes open and I went to bed, leaving Claire to watch the Eurovision. The strange Finnish band "Lordi" won, apparently.... very strange.

Which brings us to Sunday. I woke up quite early, but lay in bed listening to the radio - I had had a bad dream at 3am, which left me quite unsettled... Claire came in and said she loved me. Enough to make me breakfast in bed? I asked. Of course the answer was no (she is a normal teenager). But 20 mins later up she came with tea and toast, together with the last of the apricot jam! I DO love my daughter :)

Stayed in bed reading the Martin Kemp autobiography, True. He lives not far from us, or from where we lived in Rickmansworth, and was very big in Eastenders. Anyway, I wanted to finish the book and find out about his surgery for two brain tumours...  When I finished that it was time to cook lunch and get ready to go out and meet Lyzzy in Watford. Only we were just eating when she texted to say her daughter had become sick, so I stayed in for the rest of the afternoon. It poured all day and I was glad not to have to go out and get wet. We watched another prog on the Prince's Trust and then I watched one on the Chelsea Flower Show. I love that place. When I worked at Country Homes & Interiors we had links with an exhibitor there so I got to visit. Boy was it hot that year - a real contrast with today, when we needed the heating on!  Of course now, the sky is blue and the sun is out. Typical!

Tag, I'm it!

Tagged by Paula....

Seven things to do before I die: 1. See my daughter happy and successful. 2. See my grandchildren grow up (ok, I don't have any yet, I want to live for a long time!). 3. Have at least one photo sold commercially. 4. Own my own house or houses. 5. Learn to ski. 6. Visit the States, the Caribbean, Tahiti and Canada. 7. Learn to play the piano PROPERLY!

Seven things I cannot do: 1. Not cry when I'm frustrated, moved or upset. 2. Stay cross with my daughter for long. 3. Stay angry with Wayne for long.... 4. Play the piano properly! 5. Say "no" when people are relying on me (ditto Paula!). 6. Give up chocolate. 7. Stay away from the computer for any length of time.

Seven things that attract me to my husband: (well, my other half) 1. The way his mind works. 2. His sense of humour. 3. His ambition. 4. His tight bum! (can't  help it LOL) 5. His eyes. 6. The way he cares about his mum, and calls her "mummy". 7. The way he cares about my daughter.  (oh, and ME too of course).

Seven books that I love: 1. The Olive Farm trilogy (Carol Drinkwater). 2. Being Happy (Andrew Matthews) 3. Mother tongue, The English Language (Bill Bryson) 4. La Chambre des Dames (Jeanne Bourin) 5. Finest Hour (Phil Craig, Tim Clayton) 6. Ravage (René Barjavel) 7. L'Ecume des Jours (Boris Vian) .

Seven things that I say: 1. Er..... nah! (You have to watch My Wife and Kids to get it)2. Like (I hate that I use that, I sound like a Valley Girl!) 3. What did your last slave die of? 4. Yeah right. 6. I love you more (Claire always says I love you - this is my answer. She can then say "my name isn't More") 7. A can of diet coke please!


Seven movies I've loved: 1. Sleepless in Seattle. 2. Save the Last Dance. 3. City of Angels. 4. Grease. 5. Stepmom. 6. Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain. 7. A Nous les Petites Anglaises (a classic!).

Seven blogs I'm gonna tag: Not sure yet.....

Fun!

That was fun last night!  Claire had an appointment with Arla (our consultant endocrinologist) at 5pm and we were quite late getting back to my office, when all of a sudden I remembered I was supposed to be going to London for the evening. We got pizza on the way home for Claire and I rushed off to the train station. I got to the place bang on 8.30 thank goodness.... It was a market research focus group for a potential website for a well-known grocery store. We had to give our opinion on the different mock-ups, and whether we liked this or that about it. Drinks were freely available, and crisps etc. We were in a room with a two-way mirror so the web designers could watch us and hear our views. The time flew past and at 10 we were out of there, 45 quid richer.   I met up with Wayne at Monument station and we hot footed it back to Baker Street where we found a huge bar that was still open AND serving food LOL.  Phoned Claire, who told Wayne all about the new Big Brother on TV. She took notes on the inmates to tell us all about it!   We got the train back and arrived home at about 12.30am. Watched CSI and then fell into bed.  It was nice to go out for once :)

Must rush as I have my uv treatment this morning and two agencies to see this afternoon. Fingers crossed.