I distinctly remember posting something about wanting more FUN in my life. Was it last year? Anyway, today I shed a little tear when I read Ali E's blog post because she put into words exactly how I have been feeling.
This isn't the first time either. 20 years ago, after my divorce, I remember friends saying to me "the old Jen is back" and commenting on how different I'd been when I was married. I had a great time after that, having fun and going out and generally enjoying life. Until I crashed and burned about 18 months later... One of the reasons for that was also coping with the death of my father whose anniversary is today actually, as he died on 8th April 1993, just a few months after my marriage broke down. I guess a divorce and a bereavement all at the same time were a lot to cope with.
Of course, we all know what happened after that: 15 years ago Claire and I moved over to the UK and very shortly after that I met W, at work. We had an unconventional relationship in some people's eyes, but it suited us, and we used to have such fun. We laughed, oh how we laughed. But then I had my brain haemorrhage and I wasn't much fun any more. In fact, I had real problems understanding jokes, and verbal & non-verbal cues. I thought I was fine but I know looking back that I was a very different person for a while. That's obviously not the only reason our relationship broke down, but it didn't help in my opinion.
So yes, I totally understand Ali when she says she has said to people "you didn't know me when I was fun" or "remember when I used to be fun?". I know I'll get there eventually. I already have moments of pure fun now and then, but I have been quite serious for a while. Serious life events will do that to a person, right? And just when I think I've got a handle on this, I'll get a bit of a knock back and will lose my sense of humour for a while. So, bear with me - the REAL me is in there somewhere. The one that likes to laugh and be carefree and thinks that nothing in this life is really worth getting too het up about.
Ok, that's enough serious stuff! The biggest thing that is making me smile right now is the SUNSHINE we have been getting occasionally. When the sun shines all your problems seem less worrying and we have had such a long winter this year. It can only get better. Peace :)
ETA: I promised you a picture of my cute Pez dispenser from Claire. I love Hello Kitty - how can you not smile when you look at her?