wagwaan?

Welcome to my blog!

Thank you for visiting.  If you are a brain aneurysm survivor, or if you are just curious, the posts where I talk about my SAH are tagged "the brain thang" and it all started in February 2010.  

 

Just a quick catch up. Not sure there's anyone out there reading this here ol' blog of mine, but I think I'll keep it because I do like looking back and reading what I got up to in the past.

The healthy eating is going a treat. I can't remember if I said this before, but Claire and I went cold turkey with chocolate and fizzy drinks. Well Diet Coke to be exact.  I still have the odd craving, but actually I wasn't enjoying the stuff as much as I used to and I don't like what Aspartame does to me. Or sugar.  Or processed stuff. Or wheat. Avoiding wheat can be really hard, when you find they put it in the most unlikely foodstuffs. Luckily, we eat mostly stuff we make from scratch, and I have switched to Ryvita if I want anything bread-like. It has a lower glycaemic load and doesn't seem to bloat me as much.  Chocolate and sweets used to be my downfall, but I find if I don't eat them at all, then I dont crave them. This is where the GL book comes in handy. It explains about insulin and the peaks and troughs I was experiencing. I kind of knew it before, but really vaguely. It makes more sense now.  I'm still having a bit of milk, but I really like the coconut milk my osteopath told me about. At the weekend we had some mushy bananas to use up, and I sprinkled some yummy desiccated coconut on top. Mmmmm. Delish and so low fat/low cal.

We went to the healthfood store recently as Claire wanted to try quinoa and I fancied some apple "crisps". We got these instead.

The Stevia, however, is horrible!  Really, really sweet and it leaves an after-taste. I've since found some Agave Syrup, which is what I was really after. I have it on porridge or sometimes on yogurt if I don't fancy it plain. I don't need so much sweetness now, though, so I think it'll last a while!

On the social front, I've been keeping busy. Saturday was the craft group get-together and I made some more gift voucher envelopes while I sat and chatted to my friends. After that, I walked into town with V and she treated me to a Starbucks after I waited for her to finish in John Lewis. As it was quite warm, I went for the Berry Refresha that I discovered recently. Low in calories (ok it does have some sugar in it) and really refreshing. Yum.  I needed to get some more trousers, so I popped into M&S on the way home. I got some of my trusty, stretchy black bootcut trousers, but also bought a pair of navy blue linen mix trousers. They fit but are a bit snug around the tum, so I'm hoping my weight loss continues and they feel more comfy when the warm weather comes. Because it WILL come, apparently....

Let's see what photos I've got to upload today. I'm still doing the photoaday thing, and I'm really enjoying it. I tend to upload them to Instagram, that's why they're square.

Paper:

Broken:

My lovely Winnie the Pooh cup - didn't want to throw it out so I use it to store crayons now.

Something beginning with F: Fir tree

 

They're all iPhone pictures nowadays. I only get the SLR out when I'm doing a shoot or feeling "creative" and want proper depth of field etc. I think the phone does a cracking job the rest of the time. 

That's all for today.

The dating game

So I mentioned I went on a date....  I think this whole dating thing could probably fill a blog of its own. It's very "interesting". How does someone my age meet anyone new? Especially when their job is in quite a small department, quite separate from the rest of the hospital. With lots of women and about 4 guys, who are all happily married (and not my type lol). Internet dating, that's how.  

I've been online for about 10 months and I have found that the people who want to meet me are, how do I put this politely? Not my type. AT. ALL. Luckily, there is a "search" option, so I can be a bit more picky about the kind of guy I'd like to meet.  I have been on a few nice dates, and am still in touch with a couple of guys, from a distance: they are both nice guys as far as I can tell, but they live too far away to make it work, plus they are both in quite precarious job situations at the moment.

More recently, I was chatting to a guy who lives in Wembley, which is where my mum was born. We seemed to have more and more in common, so when I saw that Friday nights are Soul/Tamla DJ nights at my nearest pub, I asked if he wanted to go with me. The place opens at 9pm but we didn't get there till 10:15 - I had a bit of a joke with Claire that I was ready for bed by that time!  He called me when he was on his way and I said I'd walk down and meet him, but he was horrified I'd think of hanging around waiting for him in the dark, so told me to stay put until he got there first.  Claire gave a thumbs up when she heard his concerns, and of course I couldn't get him to pick me up at home - not when they say you should have a first meeting in a public place. When I did start walking, I was on the phone to him (hands free) and he kept me talking until I got there, so I wasn't alone.  He seems a gentleman.

Anyway, we got to the place, and he bought drinks. It was packed and we stood at one end of the room, bopping along to the music and chatting. We got on really well and there was lots of laughter. We danced until 1am, then sat in his car chatting till nearly 3am - I can't remember the last time I was out that late. At this point of course all the street lights were off, so he wouldn't hear of me walking home. He walked me right to my door, which was really sweet of him. A quick hug and he was off. We've texted over the weekend. He's very self-assured and straight-talking and I look forward to getting to know him a bit more. I think at the very least we'll become fast friends. 

I must say, there is a weird thing with this dating lark: you can have a perfectly nice connection with someone, then go for a drink or meal; get on well, have a laugh, appear to have something to work with.... and then after a couple more texts, SILENCE.  I can understand that not everyone is going to be someone you want to pursue, but seriously? Can they not say "this isn't working for me" rather than just go silent?  I don't know. Guys are weird lol.

Anyway, so that's where I am right now. I seem to be busy all the time, and May is going to be really busy as I'm helping with an exam preparation course and one actual exam. Then there's a wedding reception for friends at the Community Centre; another meeting of the craft group; a rheumatology appointment; a staff meeting; an appraisal (I'm the one appraising) etc etc. I am seriously going to have to pace myself aren't I? Watch this space :)

Just before I go, here's a quick collage of my Sunday that I did for FMSphotoaday.

(weather not as sunny as it had been all week; new book from the library - great read; cuddling with the cat; buying new bedding; delicious Berry Hibiscus Refresha from Starbucks).  

I had this whole big post typed up and then one swipe of the mouse by mistake on the iMac and I left the page, which means I lost the whole darn thing.  Ugh. I hate when that happens. So it kind of put me off posting for a while and all of a sudden 3 weeks have gone by or something. 

Anyway, I thought I'd touch base and let you know I'm still around. Caire and I have been eating healthily and walking everywhere, and we've decided to go cold turkey without chocolate because we are such chocoholics. So far we are 12 days chocolate free and counting!  When I feel my blood sugars are a bit more stable, I might break out the odd square of 70% chocolate if I get a craving, but the weird thing is, I haven't HAD any cravings really. Well, maybe the first day or two, but I just drank water and kept busy and forgot all about it. I nearly had some on Friday at work - there was a leaving do and although I'd picked really healthy stuff during lunch, there was a box of Ferrero Rochers left in the staff room. When I went in to make a cup of tea I picked one up without thinking... and then dropped it like a hot coal when I remembered lol.  I also find that drinking green tea really works as an appetite suppressant. I found that before I read about it, so it's not all in my head. So far I've lost about half a stone, which is good because Christmas and Easter were not very healthy for me. Oops. 

Here are a few of the photos I was going to post before...

Out walking I stopped at the library. 

Sat in the sun and people-watched. 

Treated myself to flowers - and deliberately left white space on the photo so I can type on it for my Project Life album.

More flowers - this time in front of our building. 

Ordered new computer glasses (they're kind of pinky-purple on the back).

Today was my mum's 81st birthday. I wish I could have been there, but two of my sisters were and they posted lots of photos in a private album on Facebook, which was nice.  After calling to wish her a happy birthday, this is what my Sunday looked like:

 

I got that book from the library and it's really helpful. GI is recommended in PCOS and Diabetes, and the Consultant I work for says it's the best. GL (Glycaemic Load) just makes more sense of it. It's written by a dietitian and is very easy to understand.  I still use Myfitnesspal.com to actually keep track of my eating and exercise, but I'm beginning to use the GL concept.  The Primark bags contain things like sheets and dishtowels, and the drink is a Starbucks Berry Hibiscus Refresha. Delicious! Claire went for the Lime Refresha that you can kind of see behind it. 

Oh, and I went on a lovely date Friday - I might remember to tell you about it next time.

Off to bed now. Nite!

Friday night.

Still enjoying taking pictures, mostly with the iPhone, every day.

1. 11. Detail. A present from a dear friend. #fmsphotoaday, 2. 10. A place. The beach at my mum's, in Normandy. It's been our special place for 30 years and it's where I go in my head if I need to chill out. #fmsphotoaday, 3. 9. Tiny. My tiny little Momiji dolls that are swamped by the "normal" sized ones. #fmsphotoaday, 4. From my Easter basket this year :) #hellokitty, 5. 8. On my plate: toast & marmite. Mmmmm! #fmsphotoaday, 6. 2. Blue. Working in the NHS I am surrounded by blue... #fmsphotoaday, 7. 3. A is for ambulances. At my place of work. #fmsphotoaday, 8. 31. Stuff. This is just some of my crafting "stuff". #fmsphotoaday, 9. Happy Easter! (Shrink wrapped eggs thanks to #Tiger)

And listening to music. I don't watch American Idol but I pick up bits and pieces reading other blogs. This girl? Gave me chills....

 

 

Enjoy!

Fun

I distinctly remember posting something about wanting more FUN in my life. Was it last year? Anyway, today I shed a little tear when I read Ali E's blog post because she put into words exactly how I have been feeling.  

This isn't the first time either. 20 years ago, after my divorce, I remember friends saying to me "the old Jen is back" and commenting on how different I'd been when I was married.  I had a great time after that, having fun and going out and generally enjoying life. Until I crashed and burned about 18 months later... One of the reasons for that was also coping with the death of my father whose anniversary is today actually, as he died on 8th April 1993, just a few months after my marriage broke down. I guess a divorce and a bereavement all at the same time were a lot to cope with.

Of course, we all know what happened after that: 15 years ago Claire and I moved over to the UK and very shortly after that I met W, at work.  We had an unconventional relationship in some people's eyes, but it suited us, and we used to have such fun. We laughed, oh how we laughed.  But then I had my brain haemorrhage and I wasn't much fun any more. In fact, I had real problems understanding jokes, and verbal & non-verbal cues. I thought I was fine but I know looking back that I was a very different person for a while. That's obviously not the only reason our relationship broke down, but it didn't help in my opinion.

So yes, I totally understand Ali when she says she has said to people "you didn't know me when I was fun" or "remember when I used to be fun?".  I know I'll get there eventually. I already have moments of pure fun now and then, but I have been quite serious for a while. Serious life events will do that to a person, right? And just when I think I've got a handle on this, I'll get a bit of a knock back and will lose my sense of humour for a while. So, bear with me - the REAL me is in there somewhere. The one that likes to laugh and be carefree and thinks that nothing in this life is really worth getting too het up about. 

Ok, that's enough serious stuff!  The biggest thing that is making me smile right now is the SUNSHINE we have been getting occasionally. When the sun shines all your problems seem less worrying and we have had such a long winter this year. It can only get better.  Peace :)

ETA: I promised you a picture of my cute Pez dispenser from Claire.  I love Hello Kitty - how can you not smile when  you look at her? 

Pretending it's really Spring

Just thought I'd post these here. To remind us that it's really April and there should be sunshine and daffodils everywhere - indeed, these were taken in the last couple of days, so the sun is trying to make an appearance and I find that reassuring.

There. Much better. 

Fascinating - to me anyway

Once upon a time, long ago, well before my SAH anyway, I saw a programme on the human brain. I was heard to exclaim "that's fascinating! I love brains" - at which point my daughter fell about laughing. She has never let me live it down. Apparently it makes me some kind of dork. Or geek.  Or something.

Anyway, a little while later I was struck down with a ruptured aneurysm. Little did I know I was about to find out an awful lot about my very own brain. To cut a long story short (if you want to read about it, just follow the links to "the brain thang" in the "Categories" cloud over on the right there) I had surgery, a clip was inserted across the neck of the aneurysm, and I pretty much made a full recovery.

I have only just received a CD of the scans, and I thought I'd share. You're welcome.

 

That first one was taken on the day of the bleed. I am reliably informed that blood shows up as white bits where there shouldn't be any. I'm still none the wiser.

A month after surgery, I still had a large "blob" of CSF fluid under my skin on my right temple, where the surgery had taken place. By this time, I was back at my local hospital where I'd had my original scan, so they did another one and sent it off to the Neurological hospital to ask the opinion of my surgeon. These are the pictures that really fascinate me. You can clearly see something outside my skull on the right (on the left of the picture), and you can see how the fluid inside is compressing my brain. Moreover, bang in the middle there (on the left hand picture), you can clearly see the bright white signal of the titanium clip that was inserted to stop the blood flowing out of the artery. Look how far inside my head that is. It blows my mind, no pun intended. It doesn't show on the right-handed pic because that one is from a bit higher up my head. 

 

Anyway, I'm extremely grateful that all that swelling and fluid settled down eventually and that my cognitive issues are not as bad as they could have been. I give thanks for that every single day. 

Did you have a happy Easter?

I couldn't believe we woke up to glorious blue sky and sunshine!  Even though we lost an hour due to British Summer Time (Ha! Summer!), I got up bright and early to have breakfast with Claire, who presented me with this:

Oops you can't see the really cool Hello Kitty Pez dispenser she got me. Must take another picture of that tomorrow. First, I prepared the hard boiled eggs with these amazing shrink wrap patterns on them. I love this kit, that I bought at Tiger.

So simple. All you do is prepare some hardboiled eggs. Let them cool down (I ran them under the tap), then slip one of the sleeves over each egg and pop them in boiling water for 3 seconds. The sleeve shrinks to fit the egg and Voilà, you're done. There were also some little stickers in the pack, so I added a few on the top of each egg afterwards. You'll have to take my word for it because I took the pictures first...  

We then had boiled egg and soldiers. I kept the eggs warm with this sweet egg cosy, also from Tiger.

Um, let's just say that I was going for an artistic blur (I wasn't...). And how do you like my two fat birdies? Also from Tiger. Can you sense a theme here?

After breakfast I watched Mass and then Urbi et Orbi, and then in the afternoon on we watched the Boat Race. With a cup of tea. And hot cross buns. I love tradition.

Such a lovely, relaxing Easter Sunday. Hope yours was too.

It's Spring! It's Spring!

I thought I'd jinxed it but the very next day this is what I saw when I looked out the bedroom window

It's still freezing, but there are signs of life in the garden too - see?

And it's spring indoors too...

That's a cute chick my colleague gave me. I bit off its head. 

So yesterday, on a whim, Claire and I decided to go to the cinema. For the first time in so long, I seriously can't remember when we last went! The plan was to go Harrow on the Met line but of course it was suspended due to engineering work. In the end we got a taxi (eeek) to Vue Watford, bought our tickets (more eek!) and, as it was lunchtime, went to the concession to get some, um, "food". Triple eek!  Boy was it an expensive outing, but oh so worth it. We saw Danny Boyle's "Trance" and it blew our minds.  I can't even tell you the plot, really, and I'm glad I didn't read the Guardian's review before I went because, honestly? I don't think they saw the same film we did. 

Spring? Really?

You see that photo up there, with the daffodils? That's a defiant choice in the face of all this cooooold greeeeey snooooowy weather we've been having. I know, it's so very British to talk about the weather but boy is it different from this time last year. It seems as if it will never be warm again. Oh, is that a bit dramatic? Sorry! 

Talking of this time last year, in some ways it feels like a lifetime away and yet it seems like it was only yesterday. I am lucky to have a wonderful family, brilliant friends and, most of all, a fantastic daughter who all look out for me, but I will admit the smile slips a bit at times.  I never took my relationship for granted but at the same time, I never thought we'd break up, so yes, I admit, it's hard.  I definitely think if we had a bit of sunshine it would be easier to get out and enjoy life though. Ooh imagine that? A day trip to the coast, or a picnic in the countryside... I think I'll concentrate on that for the moment. I am smiling already!